what the fucking fuck

driving up canyon rd today. there's a speed trap, accordingly, i do not speed. i'm doing 35 thinking about the chores i have remaining and the show i am going to tonight, when i glance in my rearview mirror to see a black Durango EXCEEDINGLY close to my rear end.

i think to myself "what an asshole."
he stays menacingly close
i think to myself "what the fuck is his problem?"
there is plenty of room to go around me in the left lane
i think to myself "what the hell does he think he is doing"

and then he rams me.

its little more than a tap; frankly i can tell by the skill with which he executed the maneuver that he's probably done it before. i am stunned and frightened by this. and can only think: he did it on purpose. why would he do that??

i'm not going to stop for this person. this was no accident. and i know full well there is a police van about 2/3's of a mile up canyon (remember that speed trap i was trying to avoid?) and that is where i am headed.

and then, he races around me in the other lane and takes off. he's a few hundred yards in front of me when he then slows down dramatically and waits for me to come parallel with him. i look over into the SUV with a "what the fuck?" look on my face and he proceeds to smile and wave. he then peels off to the left and disappears up canyon crest.

i am, uselessly, so freaked out that i fail to look for a plate number. i mean, he was in a black durango. how many of those bloody fucking things are there in beaverton anyway? too many to even credit.

proceed next to hysterical, terrified, bewildered sobbing.

call police. without more identifying information, there's nothing to be done but for the nice officer to say he's sorry it happened.

Klaus seems mostly unscathed. still have touch up paint from accident in november, so i may make use of that for the handful of small scratches evident on the rear bumper.

call friends for comfort. one suggests park klaus and his distinctive plates somewhere else. when i mention this is impractical the advice is that i get some pepper spray as this happened so close to my house, they might see my car parked there and decide to come pick on me some more. strangely, this idea IS NOT IN ANY WAY COMFORTING!!!!

took myself to pedicure and mexican food as antidote. dancing later.